I just want to look like I play Golf

I am the worst golfer ever. Maybe in the history of the world. When I need to hit it straight it goes right and when I am nearing water my ball is attracted to getting wet . I used to consider myself hopeless in the game of golf but I have finally found my calling. Instead of practicing and being a good golfer I am going for "Looking" like a great golfer . I have thrown out going to the practice range and searching for professional help. It's a waste of time any money. Anyone can hit a golf ball down a wide open space. And anyone can let a club pro jerk them off for $150 an hour. I believe golf is one of those games where you just have to play and play as much as you can.

So my mission is to look like a good golfer. I had my old clubs gripped with bright red.  I hit the clearance clothes racks at Haggin Oaks and Golf Galaxy for the goofiest golf shit. I made sure that my shoes match my belt and match my hat too. I do that anyway, but when I match, people think you know what you're talking about . I also found a great deal on some legit golf balls that have been barely touched . I should have gotten my name slapped on them but that will be my next move.
The next step to looking like a good to great golfer is speed of play. Like I said before I don't hit the driving range. I only have so many good shots in me and I ain't trying to waste them on the driving range. When it is my turn to hit, I'm ready. I don't take thirty practice swings and I don't have to make sure my ball is in the perfect place. I will pick my ball up in front of everyone and better my position. Golf is war and there are no rules in war.

When I put all these things together I pretty much look like I am coming off the tour. That is until I hit the ball . Then you realize that I am just some sack trying to act like I play .

The Fair is Back in Town

That's right people. The California State Fair is back in Sacramento for a magnificent two weeks. It starts this weekend.  If you want to see the true weirdos that California holds than the State Fair is your best bet . I try to go every year and since I have been with my lady we try to go a couple of times during the two week span. One trip is usually strictly for food and the other will be for the concert series.

 We had our very first date at the State Fair and witnessed MC Hammer absolutely murder it up there. It was a great show and it makes you realize that the world's greatest entertainers can put on a show anytime and anyplace. I spent two hundred dollars on twelve dollar beers but if you saw my lady it was all worth it. I think I was hungover for two days.

               The food is by far the best thing going on at the fair. it's not so much the Alligator or Elk Sausages. It's more about the Turkey Legs, Funnel Cakes, and Miller High Life. There are very few venues nowadays besides the Fair that will allow you to enjoy all of these food in one place and not be chastised by your peers. I recommend taking an antacid before and don't bring anyone on a diet.

 The Fair is for everyone but not everyone is made for the Fair.

Keep that Pitcher Full. Not that kind of Pitcher

As of right now I feel overwhelmed, overworked , and under appreciated. I feel overwhelmed cause their are so many things I want to do in this world. I want to be a Rugby Coach, a Musician, and hopefully one day own my own Real Estate Company. What the fuck? It couldn't be any different . I sound like a 6 year old kid telling everyone how he wants to be a football player when I grow up . You know the way you talk before life gets in the way . Stupid talk.

I feel overworked because no matter what I do the end result always changes. Maybe it is the lack of leadership I currently possess at my job? In "real life" I could coach forty Ruggers or put together an hour long concert. But in my employment life I am watcher. I am not making any move without a proper review of the task. I have been burned too many times.  I am not trying to waste an extra life. I work with salesmen all day. And if you're not careful you can get sold on their ideas. Which when it comes to a salesmen it is usually them selling you on doing their work for them. Typical shit .

And lastly I feel under appreciated because of my wallet. Actually my wallet is feeling under appreciated because seldom does anything go into it without most of it coming back out .  Working in a 100% commission industry can only bring more stress into your life. My wallet is light and sad.

As of right now I feel like I am letting life step all over me. I have this notion in my head that the fuller my pitcher is than the less opportunity I have to fail . But in actuality having such  a full pitcher has allowed me to step away from more important projects in order to please everyone . But pleasing does not pay the rent . Unless you're a prostitute. Which is something I am trying to avoid at all cost. so I am going to either pour some water out of this pitcher or get a smaller container.  

Why do people write blogs?

Why do all these people around the world write blogs? Chances are you can't talk about what you want in your current surroundings. Maybe you are a kid confused about the world and every time you open your mouth someone tells you to "shut it"? Maybe you're a girl whose fashion sense is depressing at best and you want to find others that dress or look like you? Or maybe your a guy whose sense of the world can sometimes only be put into words cause if he went around saying that shit in public people would think he is crazy. I think I fall under the last one. I feel like I have so much to say and so little time to do it.  But after awhile a human being can only talk so much before you have to start putting it in writing . People don't want to just hear words.  If you just keep talking one day someone is going to ask you to stop. But people are so insane nowadays that you never know someones version of "stop". It could be a bullet.

I write a blog cause I feel that when I sit down and think about what I am writing it comes out straight to the point and easily interpreted. I wish everything was just like that. And than it hit me. That is why people do this venting on social media. It is the way I want it. That is the goal in this huge thing called Life. To make it the way you want it . To make it acceptable by you. For you to allow others to critique, make fun, or just plain ignore you words , but at the same time knowing they can look whenever they want . So on that note I am in full support of all you bloggers out there no matter how bad your shit sucks. At least you're at the comfort of your computer screen for the time being and not in the trenches of the real world .

Every show on T.V. wants me to shed a tear

                      It's the god damn truth! Every show on the television wants me to break down and cry in sadness or glory. It doesn't matter to them. Just as long as my tears are flowing. Hopefully for show sponsors(there's "TheMan" again)the moment I start to cry it goes to commercial break and keeps me interested just long enough that I don't dare flip the channel. I am sure reality television shows hate commercials too but if they want Snooki to be able to loose enough weight for next season they have to keep her paid. POOR PEOPLE EAT MORE CARBS AND LESS PROTEIN. It's a fact.USDA research But back to my initial thoughts about T.V. making me shed tears.

               I watch a little of everything. And what I mean by that is I try to watch as many beginning and ends of programs that I can. The best stuff happens in the first 11 minutes and in the last 6 minutes of a 1 hour show.  But turn to any prime time non-comedy show and chances are you better break out the box of Kleenex. The worst culprits are those Makeover Shows. Whether it's a house, school, boss, face, or body when that object gets a new coat of paint, tears will be shed. Throw a retard or disabled person in the mix and the chances of crying are double. Pop a down and out Mom in there and I may need to be hydrated before I watch the show . Mission accomplished. These shows enforce the fact that despite my low self-esteem and self-defeating personality , I am most definitely not the most pathetic person on the planet. And provided with the proper tools the person I originally thought was the most pathetic person in the world now has a new house, job, lease on life, or maybe even the chance to get laid.



Extreme Home Makeover

        What does crying do? It makes us feel human again. But human enough to do what? To make a change, a correction, or maybe a difference. Hopefully for the show sponsors just enough to make you want to clean up your act and buy something.

Does anyone else want to Firebomb their place of employment??

PLAN B

I work in the Financial Settlement Industry. It's my daytime gig for my nighttime dreams. I am one step above an insurance salesman, and one below a car salesman. Pretty meek existence if you ask me. I have been trying to get on with the State of California for almost a year. I used to like my job for the first three months, but it was only cause I was the new guy in the small pond. Five months later all I can say is Fuck This Place! I am ready for plan B!


My advice to you is never get credit cards, don't fall for high interest loans, and stay away from any bitch that want material items. And after watching many stories about America going into the toilet I have come up with one solution.
Be your own boss no matter what it takes. During a recession period the rules go out the windows. People no longer have friends they do business with. It's either this relationship is benefiting me or I am out of here.

Mind you these comments are coming from someone that doesn't have the guts to tell his boss to FUCK OFF or throw him out the window! It's too bad I work on the 1st floor.