This one is for you Mike S

                      So I was approached by one of my best buds the other day as to why I have a blog and put all of this out there into the world.  It took me a second, actually a day as to why I do what I do. Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs " I am more than what you see!"  What I mean by that is I have a million thoughts racing through my tiny brain all day. How I could be better, do more, do less, be a part of the problem, the solution, the idea or the destruction of one . So many characters I want to play and so little time to do it . I sure I could be diagnosed as having ADHD but what fun would that be?  Who wants to know the answers to yourself in medical terms?  First and foremost, I am a dad and a partner now. I do not move in a group of one and I can't think of just myself .
          Believe me every once in a I remember when I was a single guy living off the land and scrounging for something warm to eat and wondering if I had time to do the laundry or get one more wear out of something . But writing and talking about my feeling does bring me back to those times. I am free to write whatever I want and whatever I am thinking . That is just enough for me nowadays . And when I say talk about my feeling I don't mean "my dad died and I never got to be in a rock band". What I do mean is I am getting older and wiser, hopefully, and this is what I see and feel. Believe me, the world doesn't need another person crying about their problems to the masses.
      So I guess the only way to answer my friend on as to why I write what I write is it keeps me sane and in turn maybe the people around me. I am quick to pull the trigger with my words and every once in a while I find solace in writing them done instead of blabbing them to anyone that will listen. Writing this gives me a chance to reflect and allows someone else to check it out at there own pace . And on that note I am outta here. Until next time.......

The Best Part of Being a Dad

           The best part of being a Dad is easy. I mean look past the absolute joy of having a little person matched in your likeness cause that is amazing in itself. And look past the fact that your lady is an amazing human being just for sacrificing her body to make sure your baby is healthy  .

The best part of being a father is I don't have to listen to shit you say! Nothing . Your words or personal rules have nothing to do with me . Your opinions mean zero. The only thing I am responsible for is taking care of my lady and our baby. That's it! I mean sure that entails a ton of stuff but in some weird way it almost makes it easier. Caveman style I would like to call it. As long as mammoth meat is on the table and we are clothed in the freshest deer skins we are going to be alright.   I am not concerned with being left out of a golf trip, missing a night with the boys, or subscribing to the coolest new fad. I am over it. Right now knowing that our little cherub is safe and obviously well fed is enough for this guy . Knowing she isn't crying(that much) and is comfortable is the best! I never thought in a million years that this selfish guy would be preaching those words. But I am. Whether you have kids or not, guess what? I don't care. Whether you think that we are poor parents and don't deserve to be in this position you can suck it ! We couldn't be more blessed and thankful for our situation but literally nothing you say to me even matters that much. So on that note get out there today and take what's yours!  

Who would have thought this is what lucky means?

I try not to use the word "luck". Sometimes I feel that saying "you're lucky" is another way of saying that you were unprepared or not wanting of the positive outcome. Luck has a funny way of making a situation look like it was a complete surprise. But when Poppy came in our lives just one day ago "Luck " is the only word for it. After seeing her face and touching her skin the tricky word of "luck" couldn't have summarized how we felt any better. My partner and I have to be the two luckiest people in the world. She was in labor for over 40 hours! I know, a complete work week, with no approved overtime. But when little Poppy came in this world we were amazed, taken back, surprised, and overjoyed. Two people that sometimes purposely try to just think abut themselves where awarded the most perfect beautiful baby daughter the world have ever seen. The "I" goes out the window and is immediately replaced with "us", "we", and "her".
I want to thank the wonderful lady in my life for putting her body on the line to bring our daughter into the world. Without her I m lost and with her I am found. With her I am a leader, father, partner, and provider. Without her I am a mere see through impression of a man that wants the right without the direction. I thank her for her guidance, strength, and patience, though she will humbly deny all three. But that is why I love her.

I Am Having A Mother Fucking Baby!

It is my one shot to get the title right on this one. I will be honest I don't think their are very many positive statements that have the words "Baby" and "Mother Fucking" in it. But it is the truth. My lady and I are having a baby. The due date is the end of May 2013. To say we are excited is an understatement. To say I am stressed out or nervous is a triple understatement . I am pretty sure I went from a boy to a man overnight when Jamee told .
It's a scary world out there. I used to just have to worry about little ol' me but now I have a partner and a newborn to worry about . I just went from number 1 to 3 on the depth chart in a matter of three years. That is some serious slippage. But it is all worth it. Part of life is dropping the "I" and worrying about the "Us".
My girl and I think about it all day and everyday. We are nearing the end of the 1st trimester . She isn't getting morning sickness as much. She has a small bump and if you look hard enough you can tell.  We told everyone this past weekend via Facebook. Jamee was worried everyone would think she is just gaining a lot weight if we didn't annouce it soon. I feel where she is coming from. She is a tiny little skinny lady.  We should find out the sex of this little nugget around the New Year . At this point I am under the very truthful impression that I can't make enough money and we can truly never be ready. Two things that mess with my internal conscience .
The future is very bright . I mean sun in my eyes "blinding" bright. I am so thankful to be in the place I am . Things didn't feel so bright a few years ago and understanding that change happens within saved my life. Whether God is a man, woman, ball of energy or all of the above he has put a blessing into my life. It is my job to be true to the struggle and raise this monster in the likeness of the culture and traditions I gre up on.

And in case you didn't know I AM HAVING A MOTHER FUCKIGN BABY! And you know it's going to be a girl.

I just want to look like I play Golf

I am the worst golfer ever. Maybe in the history of the world. When I need to hit it straight it goes right and when I am nearing water my ball is attracted to getting wet . I used to consider myself hopeless in the game of golf but I have finally found my calling. Instead of practicing and being a good golfer I am going for "Looking" like a great golfer . I have thrown out going to the practice range and searching for professional help. It's a waste of time any money. Anyone can hit a golf ball down a wide open space. And anyone can let a club pro jerk them off for $150 an hour. I believe golf is one of those games where you just have to play and play as much as you can.

So my mission is to look like a good golfer. I had my old clubs gripped with bright red.  I hit the clearance clothes racks at Haggin Oaks and Golf Galaxy for the goofiest golf shit. I made sure that my shoes match my belt and match my hat too. I do that anyway, but when I match, people think you know what you're talking about . I also found a great deal on some legit golf balls that have been barely touched . I should have gotten my name slapped on them but that will be my next move.
The next step to looking like a good to great golfer is speed of play. Like I said before I don't hit the driving range. I only have so many good shots in me and I ain't trying to waste them on the driving range. When it is my turn to hit, I'm ready. I don't take thirty practice swings and I don't have to make sure my ball is in the perfect place. I will pick my ball up in front of everyone and better my position. Golf is war and there are no rules in war.

When I put all these things together I pretty much look like I am coming off the tour. That is until I hit the ball . Then you realize that I am just some sack trying to act like I play .

My Season with the Sacramento Capitals Part 1

I used to be a rugby player. A pretty good one I think. Loose Head Prop was my position. Right at the front of the Scrum. Really it's the left side of the scrum but you get the picture. I had a lot of leg injuries when I played but when I was on the field I put in work . Prop is usually a defensive minded position but if you give me the ball I am running some offense! I played for Chico State University and we won a lot of games. We played in what's considered the toughest collegiate league in the nation. After I gave up playing the game I moved to the coaching side . After years of coaching Women, High School Boys, and even a Youth Team I took a shot at coaching a Men's Club. I took the assignment as a forwards coach for the Sacramento Capitals. The Capitals are the oldest team in the Sac Valley and until a few years ago they were also the top team in the region.  It seemed as the team had lost a lot of former players due to disagreements on the future direction of the team . That was no big deal to me because I don't really know any of the former players of the Capitals. And in all honesty if you leave your team in the middle of tough times, I don't really want your punk ass anyway. Go play for someone else and down them out with your personality.  Now when I took the job I still couldn't walk because of my broken left leg and was still on two crutches slowly moving to one, then to a cane, and finally able to walk a little. No biggie unless it's raining , muddy, or a day that ends in"Y".
When the season started I wasn't even prepared to coach let alone be the only forwards coach of the Capitals. That was my fault but the I love the game and when someone asks me to coach I can't say "No". I was expecting a solid forward pack ready to take on the season and hopefully make the playoffs. What I got was a solid group of men with little or no rugby experience. The ones that did have extensive experience were still reeling from the loss of most of their friends and former teammates to the Sacramento Lions or the Division 3 teams scattered around the Valley. The men that had little to no experience were looking for guidance and assistance in learning a violent and beautiful game. On top of that we also had many players from the Pacific Islands such as Tonga and Samoa in which English wasn't necessarily their first language . I was up for a real challenge.

The lucky part  during this season was I had the opportunity to coach again with my mentor and good buddy Jason Crother. When it comes to rugby he is Obi Wan. I wish I could say I was Luke Skywalker but let's just say I am a wannabee Jedi. He gauges the weather, the other teams playing style, field size, and time of day. I am the kind of coach that thinks possession is the name of the game and if the other team isn't handling the ball they can't score. Simple enough? What Crother brings to the table in preparedness I try to make up for in enthusiasm. Let's face it the game of rugby can either swallow you whole because of the sheer energy it takes to play or it can change your life for the better in many aspects . I am always one to joke and I believe if you are going to go into battle you might as well have a good laugh before you have to put your life on the line.
Little did I know that I was going to be in for the season of a lifetime with more drama than a daytime soap opera. But that's for next time..........Stay tuned.

It still trips me out

Do you like this view?

Just a couple of pins!

It blows my mind that I broke my leg on October 1st 2011. That would be about 6 months today on the dot. I can't do a lot of stuff I used to. I can't do a squat. I can' t jump off the porch and run to my car. I couldn't chase down a hoodlum stealing an old lady's purse, and if a mountain lion was chasing me I probably wouldn't make it to safety. I have put on a little weight but I was a fat ass before the accident so my clothes aren't complaining.
Some good things have come out of the whole experience. My girl Jamee has taken care of me through the whole process. She has been amazing. I am going to marry that little beezy one day and not because she made me breakfast everyday for three months but because she has made sacrifices for me that not just anybody would make. The only problem is she steals all my jokes. All of them!

Another great thing that has come out of the accident is it keeps my butt in my desk. I get to work at 7am and I leave after 6pm, everyday, Monday through Friday. I have had the opportunity to build a business with my mentor and good friend . He gave me a chance to be a part of it and I jumped on it . So when I see people posting about their workouts, or other physical accomplishments, I don't get upset. Cause I have things in my life that people couldn't even touch no matter how many pushups they do.

Ouch

For The Love Of Chuck

I love him. I love Chuck. He doesn't go by Charles or Chaz . He goes by the name of Chuck Taylor. For me he usually comes in white, but he has thousands of other colors and sizes. To me he is the man. I have had him on my feet for over 14 years. It is safe to say that I am wearing Chucks ninety percent of the time . At first they were rigid and we didn't get along so well. I thought it was him and he thought it was me. But alas it was me that needed to conform to Chuck cause Chuck Taylor doesn't conform to anyone .

Nothing is fresher then a new pair of Chuck Taylors and a clean white T from Nordstrom. Nothing. The world is your oyster when draped in those two items . There is also something about getting a new pair dirty that brings complete satisfaction. I mean Chucks look good new but they look even better dirty. My Chucks have been to Mexico, Canada, Hawaii, NYC, Florida, Portugal, Italy ,and Spain. They are, to say the least, appreciative world travellers. I can't thank them enough for the good times we've had. Hopefully one day when I am in an old folks home, kids will come to visit me, and we'll both be wearing the finest shoes ever made, Chuck Taylors.

10 years of what?

Today it will have been 10 years since my father passed away. Sometimes it seems like a world away and other times it feels as if I just saw him yesterday. I miss him a lot but I also understand that a whole lot of him is in me. Therefore when I really miss him I just have to look into myself and I find it comforting .

Joe Marion Villa III was a good man. He had a pretty dry sense of humor and was a fabulous cook. He would bend over backwards for you but he was passionate about making sure you understand how respect and hard work are business partners in a thriving industry called "Life". We had become very close over the years before his death and I will always be thankful for that . He was quick to give you his advice on something but he never got upset when you didn't follow his words. I liked that about him. He didn't judge but he at least had to get out his point before you make a choice.

I know he is up there, here, by a beach, with Fran his wife, watching over my brother , sister, and all the people in our family . I miss you Joey V. But I want to let you know I am doing great , and if I can't see you I can always lead by your examples.

I am man, hear me roar

Happy New Year everybody! I wish you the best in 2012.
About a year and a half ago I started this blog. I wanted to get some stuff off my chest and just talking about it wasn't cutting it.  I was at a point in my life were things weren't going the way I planned it. My job sucked, my alcohol and drug use were out of control, and the relationships with the people closest to me were stressed out or non-existent.  I was tired of life around me and just wanted to walk away. So I started to write this blog. Things started to make sense. I was able to go back and read my words and I started to see a change in my behavior. The things I learned, is that life is not my motion picture to direct. I can never be a director of my own movie and also hope to star in it. Life doesn't work that way. The only thing I can be responsible for is my own actions. That was a tough pill to swallow.

So in July of 2011 I made a conscience effort to be sober. No more alcohol and drugs to alter my mind and personality. It was tough at first but I learned that life has so much more to offer when I am not out chasing a high. Earlier in the same year I also decided to leave the place I was working and to start working with someone I looked up to with great respect. Making those two choices allowed me to focus my energy of growing in my personal life. To have the love of a partner is something that is sought by many and obtained by few . I have that and it is my oppotunity to embrace it and grow together. I am not perfect and for fucking god's sake I hope I never am. My life is just that, mine, and I hope that 2012 brings more happiness, more roadblocks to conquer, and new goals to focus upon. So again I wish anyone who takes the time to read this the very best of luck to you in this new year approaching .

Oak Park. The Land of Dreams

I am serious and sincere when I say that. Oak Park is literally the land of dreams. Now whether those dreams came true or are in the midst of coming true is up to the beholder. As I as look at 9th ave, which happens to be the street I call home I can tell you about most of my neighbors. The first ones on the block run a successful landscaping business and play a lot of baseball on the weekends . They are a nice Latino family. My next door neighbors to my right are a young couple whom are both in school. She is trying to become a medical assistant and he is finishing his AA degree. The neighbors to my left are a married couple. She is a professional piano player and he is a some kind of computer engineer. I don't know what he does actually but he is nerdy enough to put it all on some sort of computer engineering . The girl plays piano all day , everyday. I think she is playing different songs everyday but my girl insists that she is playing the same songs. She's pretty good. Further down the block we have a Muslim family that are always very polite and seem quite active in their community. Over the last year we have had an investor by the name of Sultan buy about three of four houses on the block and fix them up. He really cleaned them up and found some nice renters to live in them.

 

People are living their own lives in my neighborhood. Sure we have crackheads, homeless people, and others just keeping it above the poverty line . But we also have culture, hard work and people who are still living their dreams. When I was younger I used to think Oak Park was a black neighborhood. Now I know Oak Park is a part of Sacramento history that will never go away now matter how many times they try and rezone it . It is filled with all types of people. Good people trying to make it in this ever changing world .

To One Day Walk Again

It's been tough. Not being able to walk. I mean we have all had bouts of a sprained ankle or a twisted knee and had to stay off of it for a few days. But it is tough to imagine having to be immobile for an extended period of time. That's me. I haven't walked in over a month and a half and I won't be able to walk for at least another  7 to 8 weeks . This broken leg is the worse. It's like having a permanent sign over my head that reads "Ask Me What Happened?" I am determined to be a functioning part of society again soon but I can only do so much.

It's depressing to think about . Living in a world where seeing steps make my palms sweaty and the thought of rain or ice bring on thoughts of immediate defeat. All I want to do is run up a flight of stairs or jump over the smallest of obstacles . But I am stuck holding these pair of crutches and forced to move at others pace. I go to my second doctors appointment tomorrow in hopes of good news. Maybe I am healing faster than usual or maybe I can start physical therapy sooner rather than later?

The best part about breaking my leg is everyday has been an improvement. I mean I literally wake up in a better mood every morning. My leg feels better and my relationship with life is improving daily. I am so thankful for the woman in my life because without her I would be spending days on the couch moping around . I am even back at work because "the bills" don't care if your leg is broken . Having this broken leg has made me appreciate the power of the human mind and the strength of my loved ones. I know i can be a real pain in the ass but that same drive is what is going to get me moving on both of these legs soon.

The only advice I can offer and I know it always sounds cliche but don't waste the things you have . And if you do waste them they weren't ever meant to be yours in the first place . I could complain all day about this but then I realize I will walk again and that is a lot more than others are working with.

1st track is in the books

It took me eight years of talking trash and blowing smoke to finally get back into the studio. This last Saturday I finally got to sit down with my producer Pete Cole and record the first track of the new Vitamin P CD . It felt good, it actually felt better than good, it was amazing . It was so much fun to sit down, perfect the song , and watch a true professional bring it all together. I can't thank Pete enough for taking time out of his extremely busy schedule to work with me. It was truly a great experience.

I have kind of gone the opposite direction in this entire recording process. I have played a lot of shows and rapped a bunch of times on stage but I have rarely recorded any of my songs. Looking back on this I wished I would have recorded when I had a great song at hand. But maybe it wasn't the right time for me to record and I can't fret over lost time . I am here now and ready to put these new songs done on "wax" .
The best part of the whole process is that Pete understands that I am going for an old school sound and trying to stay away from all the new stuff out there. I grew up listening to Tribe Called Quest and I want to incorporate that Jazzy sound into my music.
I look forward to the next couple months coming up and I promised myself that good things take time and I am going to embrace the opportunity to work with a great team and learn the process. So look  for me in the next couple months as we get some quality music out to the world. Check out Sanctuary Studio . They have been absolutely amazing in this whole process and I recommend them for all your projects

Back in the Studio

It has been a very long time or pretty much never since I have gotten back to the studio. But I have started to write and get down some songs for the new Vitamin P CD. It has been almost ten years since I have done a recording that I would be proud of handing off to a stranger . Ever since my band mate Christian Bartesch died in a car accident on Jun 14th 2003, Vitamin P went our separate ways, and I haven't had much of a drive to put music down. I will throw a flow down anytime and any place but as far as completing a music project I just wasn't feeling it. I got the vibe again when Ben Hazard came back from NYC but that was short lived because he had other projects going on. And I am sure my own addictions killed that friendship.  I finally had to sack up and attempt this creative process on my own. And that is the new journey.

Pete Cole, Cashel, and Colin Bodine

A young kid by the name of Colin Bodine has provided some drive for me to complete my CD. He is a former rugby player that I used to coach at Rio Americano High School many years ago and now he is a local musician that plays a lot of small gigs around Sacramento. Just watching his energy and free spirit has put a pretty good impression on this old rapper. Helping him get some of his music recorded and seeing him grow has made me realize what it's all about. Another person putting in a lot of time and effort into the project is Peter Cole of Sanctuary Studios. He has been true to his word and provided a lot of insight of the best way to make something I am proud to call my own .

Ultimately it is up to me and I know this now. Talking is only good when you have something to show for it . Otherwise it is just hot air. Look for some tracks in the next couple months and I hope everyone enjoys them .

Sade and John Legend next week

           It is almost surreal. Imagine growing up listening to someones music and passion for life for over 20 years and now having the opportunity to see them live. I get to see Sade live in concert next Wednesday at the Power Balance Pavilion or as every single person in Sacramento calls it, Arco Arena. I bought tickets last week after procrastinating about it for over 2 months . Thanks to being sober I have found that my bank account often stays at a monetary amount that can afford me small gifts for me and my girl to enjoy. We are both so excited and even if the seats are off to the side and in the nose bleeds we are to extremely excited to attend.

        John Legend will also be opening up for Sade. That would be like getting to eat your favorite Cake with a glass of the most delicious Root Beer. Both performers can melt your heart with their words and if you don't have it on repeat for at least a couple tracks then something is wrong with you . So if you see me at the concert , say what's up , and at least I know you have good taste in music.

         

Trying it Clean and Sober

     It has been 14 days since I made the choice to be clean and sober . It was a decision that needed to be made. I have spent so many years saying "Yes" to everything and that it has been a complete change to now say "No" .  I have been going pretty hard for the last 15 years. Alcohol, Weed , and Cocaine have been a major factor in my life for all those years. Some more than others but they all play the same role. They allow me to think that I'm God and in control of any and every situation .

     But life is funny that way. I am but a mere grain of sand in this enormous world. Just a small piece of this creative intelligence we call earth. God has played a huge roll in this ability for me to change . Now this isn't the God that used to scare me in Catholic Class . This is  "God" as I know it. Something much bigger and more powerful than  I can ever imagine . I will let him guide me. I am no longer afraid of the road but

    Now I am not a sucker by any means. I understand that anything good is worth putting in work and time . Anyone can say they are going to stop drinking. But it is the time after that matters. Living a good life and trying to be sober is my goal. I am excited for the future and completing the goals that I set forth. I used to just talk about what I was going . It was a waste but just having a fighting chance now is something i truly cherish.

If you know someone that may want the help of A.A. please click on the link and check it out. They are all over the world and you can most likely and ready to help anyone whom wants to stop drinking .

Central California Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous 

The Art of Sing Fighting

I have never claimed to be the creator or inventor of anything . I have never made a discovery that will change the course of human intelligence . I can say that my girl and I are innovators and we have perfected the art of Sing Fighting. Or also know as Sing Arguing .

   What is Sing Fighting you ask? It is the act of critiquing, or proving a strong point through song that might otherwise be taken offensively if it was simply spoken. Singing and music have alleviated stress and brought joy to people for thousands of years. So when enlightening someone close to you with a topic that may come off as intrusive it may be in better taste to sing the request to them . Whether that be their current cleaning abilities or perhaps simply there current outlook on life . When tackling sensitive subjects it may just be easier to belt them out in song to your partner or close friends.

      Not everyone takes to Sing Fighting immediately . It takes two or more parties to be in a solid sing fighting contest. Just one person involved typically means you are singing songs to yourself which can come off as strange or slightly schizophrenic . You need to practice regularly. As well placed lyric in a Sing Fighting contest can make all the difference. And the power of song can be much more powerful than immediately telling someone they are a true train wreck .

     As an avid Sing Fighter I can tell you that the ability to tell my lady what is on my mind has increased ten fold. I am no longer afraid to tell the woman I love that she is being a baby or she may need to fold my clothes a little quicker next time she does laundry. As long as these requests are made through song I am confident that I will no longer be sleeping on the couch for erroneous non-rhythmic comments .

Please take my advice and truly give Sing Fighting as chance to make close relationships even closer.  

Uprise and Hope for the Best

Anyone can do it. Uprising against the powers that be . It could be a boss, a brother, or even the government . The 1st step is always the most important. That is are you willing to put it all on the line ? And that could include death or the death of loved ones. Millions have attempted it but few are in our history books. The first sign of possible harm or fear destroys most uprising immediately.

Most of us are afraid to uprise. Why? Most likely out of fear. not for fear that you will remain in the same position but fear that it could always get worse. And as we know in life it can always get worse.

I am happy to see that educated kids and adults are starting to make the push towards democracy. People all around the world want the same things. For your family to be safe and your immediate needs of warmth, shelter, food, and purpose to be satisfied. Easy in the literary sense but a ginormous effort in literal terms . I am hoping that the worlds' lust for power does not deter our love for one another . We shall see in these next coming months if the uprising can change into an upbringing.