This one is for you Mike S

                      So I was approached by one of my best buds the other day as to why I have a blog and put all of this out there into the world.  It took me a second, actually a day as to why I do what I do. Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs " I am more than what you see!"  What I mean by that is I have a million thoughts racing through my tiny brain all day. How I could be better, do more, do less, be a part of the problem, the solution, the idea or the destruction of one . So many characters I want to play and so little time to do it . I sure I could be diagnosed as having ADHD but what fun would that be?  Who wants to know the answers to yourself in medical terms?  First and foremost, I am a dad and a partner now. I do not move in a group of one and I can't think of just myself .
          Believe me every once in a I remember when I was a single guy living off the land and scrounging for something warm to eat and wondering if I had time to do the laundry or get one more wear out of something . But writing and talking about my feeling does bring me back to those times. I am free to write whatever I want and whatever I am thinking . That is just enough for me nowadays . And when I say talk about my feeling I don't mean "my dad died and I never got to be in a rock band". What I do mean is I am getting older and wiser, hopefully, and this is what I see and feel. Believe me, the world doesn't need another person crying about their problems to the masses.
      So I guess the only way to answer my friend on as to why I write what I write is it keeps me sane and in turn maybe the people around me. I am quick to pull the trigger with my words and every once in a while I find solace in writing them done instead of blabbing them to anyone that will listen. Writing this gives me a chance to reflect and allows someone else to check it out at there own pace . And on that note I am outta here. Until next time.......

Keep that Pitcher Full. Not that kind of Pitcher

As of right now I feel overwhelmed, overworked , and under appreciated. I feel overwhelmed cause their are so many things I want to do in this world. I want to be a Rugby Coach, a Musician, and hopefully one day own my own Real Estate Company. What the fuck? It couldn't be any different . I sound like a 6 year old kid telling everyone how he wants to be a football player when I grow up . You know the way you talk before life gets in the way . Stupid talk.

I feel overworked because no matter what I do the end result always changes. Maybe it is the lack of leadership I currently possess at my job? In "real life" I could coach forty Ruggers or put together an hour long concert. But in my employment life I am watcher. I am not making any move without a proper review of the task. I have been burned too many times.  I am not trying to waste an extra life. I work with salesmen all day. And if you're not careful you can get sold on their ideas. Which when it comes to a salesmen it is usually them selling you on doing their work for them. Typical shit .

And lastly I feel under appreciated because of my wallet. Actually my wallet is feeling under appreciated because seldom does anything go into it without most of it coming back out .  Working in a 100% commission industry can only bring more stress into your life. My wallet is light and sad.

As of right now I feel like I am letting life step all over me. I have this notion in my head that the fuller my pitcher is than the less opportunity I have to fail . But in actuality having such  a full pitcher has allowed me to step away from more important projects in order to please everyone . But pleasing does not pay the rent . Unless you're a prostitute. Which is something I am trying to avoid at all cost. so I am going to either pour some water out of this pitcher or get a smaller container.  

Growing into your own

It is that time of year that reminds you that the days of Summer Vacation are long gone. Riding your bike around and having nothing to worry or care about has since passed. I remember when summer was the season to cause trouble. You hung around friends from different schools, went on different road trips, and experienced different activities, whether forced to do so or not. You were turned from a school kid to a savage that ate anything, rarely wore shoes and would swim anytime, any place . Those were the days .

Now I have work. Year round. What the fuck is a vacation? The second you take one you are labeled the lazy one, especially in a self employment environment. Can you tell I am self employed? Well nowadays they say it is much better to have a job than have nothing at all. And I completely agree with that statement.

But as we get closer to summer I always believe that one day I can just say "Fuck It" and ditch everything for a nice long summer vacation with me and my girl. It's true we would sing songs and try to bug each other into submission, but we would be off for the summer and try to enjoy every minute of it. And that is why I work every week of the year. For the chance to have a summer vacation one day.

Fuck with my Money and You Fuck with my Emotions

It's true. I don't like when people mess with my money. It usually happens out of greed, miscommunication, or lack of knowledge. And all of these occurrences can come from the party shelling out the cash or the one receiving it . When it comes to the opportunity of putting greenbacks into your sweaty little hand, one miscalculation, can be the difference from carpooling to "Lunch is on Me". But before I start getting off track,  I want to make clear about a couple of rules that must be followed.
1. It's a job.
Bottom-line is you are usually getting paid because you have completed or are in the midst of completing some sort of work for an agreed amount of money in return. But wait, before you get ahead of yourself you must remember that when money is involved the friend stuff goes right out the door. Making money is about keeping money and if I am giving all my friends, cash, when they ask for it or think they deserve it than it will be a matter of time before you are out of business. This is where emotions come into play. A job may define your income but it shouldn't define you. Just cause your are friendly with your coworkers doesn't mean I want to spend my free time with them or listen to their personal thoughts and concerns. Some of my best friends have been former coworkers, but rarely does that happen. It takes unique people to respect work and the boundaries of friendship.   The second you make work personal than you are allowing work to define you.
2. If you think you can do it better, go for it.
If you think you can do the job better, than what is stopping you? Nothing says "see you on the flip side"  better than going out and doing it yourself. If you are tired of determining what your measly paycheck is going to be why don't you go out and create the opportunity for yourself. If you are upset about what you get why don't you become the one who dishes out the paychecks ? But remember when you are the boss the days of "Hating the Man" are over . You are "The Man " and guess what ? Everyone hates you. This road causes ulcers, heart-attacks, divorces, etc. It is not for the faint of heart But guaranteed you will be the one signing the checks . Some people are born to lead and others have no problem hiding in the shadows. Find out which one you are .
3. Take care of yourself first . You first. Everyone else comes second. Make sure you do what is in your best interest first. Hearts, Friendships, and Bones have been broken for not looking out for Numero Uno. You know what works for you. Some people need a handshake to conduct business while others need contracts. Find which one works for you .

Life will whiz right by you if you're not careful. And money doesn't grow anywhere anymore except underground. And if you aren't digging for it someone else is and probably using you as the labor .

Stand up for who?

 I am at a crossroad of career change and perpetuating doubt about what to do next?  I have so many great things in my little insignificant life and I should be very thankful for them all. I am.  But when it comes to work and employment I hit the wall. I have never had a job that pays over a hundred thousand and I have never been a part of a corporation that offers health, 401K, or any of the  employee perks companies offer. I consider myself very smart but how smart can one claim to be when they aren't even in control of their income? I mean really? I am going to make two thousand dollars this month. Seriously! After taxes it is going to be in the neighborhood of sixteen hundred dollars. Not much for an apparently intelligent individual. Dumb du-dumb dumb!

So what am I suppose to do? I could fake it to make? I could give up and continue to work for a very small paycheck? I could get off my ass and go find something else( I already have been doing this but this a blog people). Or I can become my own boss? Find something that I am talented enough to accomplish and hopefully bust my ass at trying to make it happen.

Life is funny that way. You need to keep scratching away just to make a dent. But I will keep scratching and clawing  because it has to be better than the job I got now .

Does anyone else want to Firebomb their place of employment??

PLAN B

I work in the Financial Settlement Industry. It's my daytime gig for my nighttime dreams. I am one step above an insurance salesman, and one below a car salesman. Pretty meek existence if you ask me. I have been trying to get on with the State of California for almost a year. I used to like my job for the first three months, but it was only cause I was the new guy in the small pond. Five months later all I can say is Fuck This Place! I am ready for plan B!


My advice to you is never get credit cards, don't fall for high interest loans, and stay away from any bitch that want material items. And after watching many stories about America going into the toilet I have come up with one solution.
Be your own boss no matter what it takes. During a recession period the rules go out the windows. People no longer have friends they do business with. It's either this relationship is benefiting me or I am out of here.

Mind you these comments are coming from someone that doesn't have the guts to tell his boss to FUCK OFF or throw him out the window! It's too bad I work on the 1st floor.