This one is for you Mike S

                      So I was approached by one of my best buds the other day as to why I have a blog and put all of this out there into the world.  It took me a second, actually a day as to why I do what I do. Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs " I am more than what you see!"  What I mean by that is I have a million thoughts racing through my tiny brain all day. How I could be better, do more, do less, be a part of the problem, the solution, the idea or the destruction of one . So many characters I want to play and so little time to do it . I sure I could be diagnosed as having ADHD but what fun would that be?  Who wants to know the answers to yourself in medical terms?  First and foremost, I am a dad and a partner now. I do not move in a group of one and I can't think of just myself .
          Believe me every once in a I remember when I was a single guy living off the land and scrounging for something warm to eat and wondering if I had time to do the laundry or get one more wear out of something . But writing and talking about my feeling does bring me back to those times. I am free to write whatever I want and whatever I am thinking . That is just enough for me nowadays . And when I say talk about my feeling I don't mean "my dad died and I never got to be in a rock band". What I do mean is I am getting older and wiser, hopefully, and this is what I see and feel. Believe me, the world doesn't need another person crying about their problems to the masses.
      So I guess the only way to answer my friend on as to why I write what I write is it keeps me sane and in turn maybe the people around me. I am quick to pull the trigger with my words and every once in a while I find solace in writing them done instead of blabbing them to anyone that will listen. Writing this gives me a chance to reflect and allows someone else to check it out at there own pace . And on that note I am outta here. Until next time.......

I Am Having A Mother Fucking Baby!

It is my one shot to get the title right on this one. I will be honest I don't think their are very many positive statements that have the words "Baby" and "Mother Fucking" in it. But it is the truth. My lady and I are having a baby. The due date is the end of May 2013. To say we are excited is an understatement. To say I am stressed out or nervous is a triple understatement . I am pretty sure I went from a boy to a man overnight when Jamee told .
It's a scary world out there. I used to just have to worry about little ol' me but now I have a partner and a newborn to worry about . I just went from number 1 to 3 on the depth chart in a matter of three years. That is some serious slippage. But it is all worth it. Part of life is dropping the "I" and worrying about the "Us".
My girl and I think about it all day and everyday. We are nearing the end of the 1st trimester . She isn't getting morning sickness as much. She has a small bump and if you look hard enough you can tell.  We told everyone this past weekend via Facebook. Jamee was worried everyone would think she is just gaining a lot weight if we didn't annouce it soon. I feel where she is coming from. She is a tiny little skinny lady.  We should find out the sex of this little nugget around the New Year . At this point I am under the very truthful impression that I can't make enough money and we can truly never be ready. Two things that mess with my internal conscience .
The future is very bright . I mean sun in my eyes "blinding" bright. I am so thankful to be in the place I am . Things didn't feel so bright a few years ago and understanding that change happens within saved my life. Whether God is a man, woman, ball of energy or all of the above he has put a blessing into my life. It is my job to be true to the struggle and raise this monster in the likeness of the culture and traditions I gre up on.

And in case you didn't know I AM HAVING A MOTHER FUCKIGN BABY! And you know it's going to be a girl.

I just want to look like I play Golf

I am the worst golfer ever. Maybe in the history of the world. When I need to hit it straight it goes right and when I am nearing water my ball is attracted to getting wet . I used to consider myself hopeless in the game of golf but I have finally found my calling. Instead of practicing and being a good golfer I am going for "Looking" like a great golfer . I have thrown out going to the practice range and searching for professional help. It's a waste of time any money. Anyone can hit a golf ball down a wide open space. And anyone can let a club pro jerk them off for $150 an hour. I believe golf is one of those games where you just have to play and play as much as you can.

So my mission is to look like a good golfer. I had my old clubs gripped with bright red.  I hit the clearance clothes racks at Haggin Oaks and Golf Galaxy for the goofiest golf shit. I made sure that my shoes match my belt and match my hat too. I do that anyway, but when I match, people think you know what you're talking about . I also found a great deal on some legit golf balls that have been barely touched . I should have gotten my name slapped on them but that will be my next move.
The next step to looking like a good to great golfer is speed of play. Like I said before I don't hit the driving range. I only have so many good shots in me and I ain't trying to waste them on the driving range. When it is my turn to hit, I'm ready. I don't take thirty practice swings and I don't have to make sure my ball is in the perfect place. I will pick my ball up in front of everyone and better my position. Golf is war and there are no rules in war.

When I put all these things together I pretty much look like I am coming off the tour. That is until I hit the ball . Then you realize that I am just some sack trying to act like I play .

I am back for the meantime

Work is a mother . I mean I never have enough time in the day. People want this and employees want that. I want to tell them to "Fuck Off" but I always think one day I might need their help so I should keep my comments light. Or even worse, one day, they might be my boss and remember when I treated them like garbage and dedicate their life to ruining mine.
I like working. I should say I love working but that would be silly. I can't not be employed. If I got fired today i would have a job tomorrow morning by 8am . It's always been that way. I was once unemployed for three months about 7 years ago and I wanted to blow my brains out . Because the only thing worse than getting paid like shit is not getting paid at all .
There isn't really anything I wont do for a good paycheck. Five years ago I would have done a lot more for money but I have come to my senses over the last few years. Back then I would have robbed, stole, and lied for 5k a month. I have come to realize selling your soul isn't worth the cost of one good month. It's about 2013 and not October 2012.

And not to overuse the quote of the almost famous rapper Vitamin P "Get your mind right and get your grind right"

One Year Without The Drink

Firstly, I want to state if you can drink and do drugs all day and night than do it. Not more, but the most power to you. I commend your drive and desire. I just couldn't take being one person at night and than someone else the next day. I know I am not the only one that feels this way but at the time I did. I wasn't acting fake. I was just lost.  It was tiring, frustrating, and financially bankrupting to keep doing what I was doing .  I have just completed over a year of not drinking or doing any hard drugs. That means no Friday night meet ups with the boys or late night calls to the dope man to score a bag. Usually they were one in the same.  How do I feel? Well life still goes on but today I can most definitely handle what is on the horizon. It's not always good or bad but I know that I can get through it. I have a feeling of inner worth knowing that I have the life skills to make my own decisions . I am okay doing things on my own now as I used to be fearful making decisions alone. I know, what a pussy.

  I will admit that I never stopped smoking marijuana . This blog isn't about me justifying my life to anyone except God or whomever the higher being is up there in the sky .  Do some people think marijuana is bad? I am sure they are out there but I know what works for me. I keep the smoking quiet unless someone asks me, but for the most part I am always down for a good puff.

Now here in lies the debate. I go to Alcoholics Anonymous . I am an alcoholic because without drinking I don't desire to do half the shit I would do being drunk. This includes talking too much, spending too much, and pretending too much.   I participate in the meetings . I would never sponsor anyone unless I was completely "sober". Those are the rules. I get a lot out of the program. For instance you can share and laugh within the meetings. I am with people that feel like I do. I would never take away from the benefit of AA, but I can't always say I follow it 100%. It's free and bases it existence on donations from fellow members. I have met a lot of great people in AA. And without AA I would not be alcohol-free today. My main knock on AA is I don't feel like talking about drugs and alcohol all day long. I wasn't doing that when I was drinking and using so why do I want to talk about it all the time when I am not ? But maybe that is part of the attraction to AA. Most of the time talking about having a problem with alcohol or drugs is a no-no to all the "normal" people out there.

The conclusion to all this is I don't drink and use today. I feel much better. I am in a place that I never though possible one year ago.  I do miss all my old friends that I used to get drunk with. I am sure they are on the same bar stool. That doesn't mean I don't want a huge Pina Colada or the coldest Bud Light in the world. I do, but like anything in life I have to make choices. One choice leads me to confidence and spiritual growth and the other leads to short term highs with really low lows . If you would have asked me ten years ago I would have taken the highs and the lows. But now I just want more . Can you blame me?

Products I support. Chapter Two. You can't go wrong with the white V-Neck

It's the truth! You can't go wrong with a clean white V-Neck. I mean you see them everywhere nowadays. It's not like they were invented a few years ago but it seems that you can always spot someone wearing one wherever you travel. I have tried all the brands. I have tried Hanes, Fruit of the Loom, JC Penney's brand, Macys, the one you find at Champ's or Foot Locker, but their is only one. There is only one brand of V-Neck that has the look, feel and won't break your pocketbook. Believe me I have seen 100 dollar V-Necks and besides buying dope off of a crackhead it would be a stupid decision to purchase one. The King of the White V-Neck in my mind is the Nordstrom brand. They come in packs of four for about 30 bucks and  even you little skinny pucks can  purchase them in slim fit. They normally come in Traditional fit and you can always buy them in store or online .  The only recommendation I can offer on good White V-Neck care is wash them with whites only and hang dry them if you get the chance. The more you use a dryer the smaller they get regardless if they say pre-shrunk.  I have a few things I really like about the classic V-Neck

1. It looks great under a dress shirt. Nothing looks stupider that seeing someone wearing a nice dress shirt and have a big chunky white crew neck shirt hanging out of the top. It makes it look like this might be your first job or you put on some dirty shirt over your dress shirt. Let it be known that the only acceptable undershirt to wear over your dress shirt is either a V-Neck or Athletic Cut T-shirt known by it's street name "Wife beater"
2. Sometimes a white V-Neck is so white it makes everything stand out. A nicely ironed or pressed white V-Neck looks good with come clean jeans and a pair of Chucks. The simplicity factor of the outfit will lend creditability to a nice, watch, great glasses, or a piece of jewelery .
3. If you can find some different colors in a V-Neck then go for it. Though all V-Necks have  a pretty short life cycle it is worth it to find some different colors . I have made a commitment to wearing the V-Neck so when I find some variety I spring into action .
4. Get your girl some V-necks or let her use yours for bed. You can't go wrong .

10 years of what?

Today it will have been 10 years since my father passed away. Sometimes it seems like a world away and other times it feels as if I just saw him yesterday. I miss him a lot but I also understand that a whole lot of him is in me. Therefore when I really miss him I just have to look into myself and I find it comforting .

Joe Marion Villa III was a good man. He had a pretty dry sense of humor and was a fabulous cook. He would bend over backwards for you but he was passionate about making sure you understand how respect and hard work are business partners in a thriving industry called "Life". We had become very close over the years before his death and I will always be thankful for that . He was quick to give you his advice on something but he never got upset when you didn't follow his words. I liked that about him. He didn't judge but he at least had to get out his point before you make a choice.

I know he is up there, here, by a beach, with Fran his wife, watching over my brother , sister, and all the people in our family . I miss you Joey V. But I want to let you know I am doing great , and if I can't see you I can always lead by your examples.

Oak Park. The Land of Dreams

I am serious and sincere when I say that. Oak Park is literally the land of dreams. Now whether those dreams came true or are in the midst of coming true is up to the beholder. As I as look at 9th ave, which happens to be the street I call home I can tell you about most of my neighbors. The first ones on the block run a successful landscaping business and play a lot of baseball on the weekends . They are a nice Latino family. My next door neighbors to my right are a young couple whom are both in school. She is trying to become a medical assistant and he is finishing his AA degree. The neighbors to my left are a married couple. She is a professional piano player and he is a some kind of computer engineer. I don't know what he does actually but he is nerdy enough to put it all on some sort of computer engineering . The girl plays piano all day , everyday. I think she is playing different songs everyday but my girl insists that she is playing the same songs. She's pretty good. Further down the block we have a Muslim family that are always very polite and seem quite active in their community. Over the last year we have had an investor by the name of Sultan buy about three of four houses on the block and fix them up. He really cleaned them up and found some nice renters to live in them.

 

People are living their own lives in my neighborhood. Sure we have crackheads, homeless people, and others just keeping it above the poverty line . But we also have culture, hard work and people who are still living their dreams. When I was younger I used to think Oak Park was a black neighborhood. Now I know Oak Park is a part of Sacramento history that will never go away now matter how many times they try and rezone it . It is filled with all types of people. Good people trying to make it in this ever changing world .

On the Road to Recovery

Tibial Plateau Fracture

          It has been a little bit since I have been able to write on this blog. I am recovering from a pretty severe broken leg that I got playing in hopefully my very last rugby game.  I am currently staying at my parents house because my residence has a claw bathtub that I can't get into and way too many steps. But hey, I am alive and I will recover from this. Maybe not financially, as I viewed part of my insurance claim, for the first three days it was sixty thousand dollars.  I have never even made sixty thousand in a year except that one time. So the money part of it I can't really even fathom. I stayed in the hospital for a total of 8 days
         The truth is I am getting better every single day. I can now move my leg and do things I thought were impossible 7 days ago. I might not walk in the year 2011 but that doesn't mean I can't embrace this road to recovery. I am so thankful to have my family, my girlfriend, and a great group of friends supporting me through this. It was a very traumatic experience and when I think about the injury I get a little choked up . The though of hearing my leg crack into a bunch of pieces doesn't do a lot for one's self confidence.

        The injury I sustained is called a tibial plateau fracture. Pretty much it means you shattered your leg right below the knee. It is an injury often seen in car vs pedestrian accidents   It has taken two plates and tens screws just to get my leg back to normal. I guess airport security is now going to be an ongoing issue. The folks at Enloe Hospital and UC Davis Hospital treated me great. I can't thank them enough for taking care of this old crabby baby.
Right now I got one leg but soon enough I will have two. So watch out world cause Cam Villa will be back .

After surgery

Tupperware. Here one day and gone the next

It's sad to say but the second I put the Tupperware into the dishwasher their is a 95% chance that I will never ever be able to match the top to the bottom  . It just disappears. I don't know where, I don't know by whom, but it is gone . I used to have quite a collection of Tupperware. Gathered over the years from parties we have thrown  or leftovers delivered from Mom . I thought I had more control over my surrounding but when it comes to the plastice containers I am but a slave . I do not know what the future holds for me and Tupperware but I will keep attempting to hold on to it. My goal is to grow old with the original Tupperware I was raised on but I see that wish fading fast .

Trying it Clean and Sober

     It has been 14 days since I made the choice to be clean and sober . It was a decision that needed to be made. I have spent so many years saying "Yes" to everything and that it has been a complete change to now say "No" .  I have been going pretty hard for the last 15 years. Alcohol, Weed , and Cocaine have been a major factor in my life for all those years. Some more than others but they all play the same role. They allow me to think that I'm God and in control of any and every situation .

     But life is funny that way. I am but a mere grain of sand in this enormous world. Just a small piece of this creative intelligence we call earth. God has played a huge roll in this ability for me to change . Now this isn't the God that used to scare me in Catholic Class . This is  "God" as I know it. Something much bigger and more powerful than  I can ever imagine . I will let him guide me. I am no longer afraid of the road but

    Now I am not a sucker by any means. I understand that anything good is worth putting in work and time . Anyone can say they are going to stop drinking. But it is the time after that matters. Living a good life and trying to be sober is my goal. I am excited for the future and completing the goals that I set forth. I used to just talk about what I was going . It was a waste but just having a fighting chance now is something i truly cherish.

If you know someone that may want the help of A.A. please click on the link and check it out. They are all over the world and you can most likely and ready to help anyone whom wants to stop drinking .

Central California Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous 

Can you Handle it?

It's been a minute people. Sorry I have been away and just getting back into the swing of things. I have been busy with work and if you have read any of my blogs in the last month they seem a little on edge. I get frustrated sometimes, like everybody but I often get frustrated for not speaking up until it's too late or never at the right time. That is my curse. I feel the need to talk about things when they are blowing up in my face as opposed to discussing them in the early stages . I think most people call it being a "Pussy" , but I look at it as more. I feel a lot. I am constantly trying to listening to every sound and smell around me. I don't want to jump into anything to soon but at the same time I enjoy viewing the chaos that is this world. It is constantly raining hope at  different spots on the planet but at the same time it is dumping shit on the unfortunate. We as humans get both. The animals out there in the wilderness don't often get to deal with the shit side of life. Because when you're an animal of the forest when the bad hits, you usually, end up dying . But lucky for us human beings we get to deal with life when it gets bad but we also get to witness it when the good strikes.

But I have realized in the last couple weeks is that it always starts with yourself . If you want bad times than surround yourself with that negative energy. If you need to be positive than surround yourself with that positivity in your life. And that in itself if probably the most easily explained and the hardest thing to accomplish in one's life. But we can all have fun trying