This one is for you Mike S

                      So I was approached by one of my best buds the other day as to why I have a blog and put all of this out there into the world.  It took me a second, actually a day as to why I do what I do. Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs " I am more than what you see!"  What I mean by that is I have a million thoughts racing through my tiny brain all day. How I could be better, do more, do less, be a part of the problem, the solution, the idea or the destruction of one . So many characters I want to play and so little time to do it . I sure I could be diagnosed as having ADHD but what fun would that be?  Who wants to know the answers to yourself in medical terms?  First and foremost, I am a dad and a partner now. I do not move in a group of one and I can't think of just myself .
          Believe me every once in a I remember when I was a single guy living off the land and scrounging for something warm to eat and wondering if I had time to do the laundry or get one more wear out of something . But writing and talking about my feeling does bring me back to those times. I am free to write whatever I want and whatever I am thinking . That is just enough for me nowadays . And when I say talk about my feeling I don't mean "my dad died and I never got to be in a rock band". What I do mean is I am getting older and wiser, hopefully, and this is what I see and feel. Believe me, the world doesn't need another person crying about their problems to the masses.
      So I guess the only way to answer my friend on as to why I write what I write is it keeps me sane and in turn maybe the people around me. I am quick to pull the trigger with my words and every once in a while I find solace in writing them done instead of blabbing them to anyone that will listen. Writing this gives me a chance to reflect and allows someone else to check it out at there own pace . And on that note I am outta here. Until next time.......

10 years of what?

Today it will have been 10 years since my father passed away. Sometimes it seems like a world away and other times it feels as if I just saw him yesterday. I miss him a lot but I also understand that a whole lot of him is in me. Therefore when I really miss him I just have to look into myself and I find it comforting .

Joe Marion Villa III was a good man. He had a pretty dry sense of humor and was a fabulous cook. He would bend over backwards for you but he was passionate about making sure you understand how respect and hard work are business partners in a thriving industry called "Life". We had become very close over the years before his death and I will always be thankful for that . He was quick to give you his advice on something but he never got upset when you didn't follow his words. I liked that about him. He didn't judge but he at least had to get out his point before you make a choice.

I know he is up there, here, by a beach, with Fran his wife, watching over my brother , sister, and all the people in our family . I miss you Joey V. But I want to let you know I am doing great , and if I can't see you I can always lead by your examples.

Back in the Studio

It has been a very long time or pretty much never since I have gotten back to the studio. But I have started to write and get down some songs for the new Vitamin P CD. It has been almost ten years since I have done a recording that I would be proud of handing off to a stranger . Ever since my band mate Christian Bartesch died in a car accident on Jun 14th 2003, Vitamin P went our separate ways, and I haven't had much of a drive to put music down. I will throw a flow down anytime and any place but as far as completing a music project I just wasn't feeling it. I got the vibe again when Ben Hazard came back from NYC but that was short lived because he had other projects going on. And I am sure my own addictions killed that friendship.  I finally had to sack up and attempt this creative process on my own. And that is the new journey.

Pete Cole, Cashel, and Colin Bodine

A young kid by the name of Colin Bodine has provided some drive for me to complete my CD. He is a former rugby player that I used to coach at Rio Americano High School many years ago and now he is a local musician that plays a lot of small gigs around Sacramento. Just watching his energy and free spirit has put a pretty good impression on this old rapper. Helping him get some of his music recorded and seeing him grow has made me realize what it's all about. Another person putting in a lot of time and effort into the project is Peter Cole of Sanctuary Studios. He has been true to his word and provided a lot of insight of the best way to make something I am proud to call my own .

Ultimately it is up to me and I know this now. Talking is only good when you have something to show for it . Otherwise it is just hot air. Look for some tracks in the next couple months and I hope everyone enjoys them .

Trying it Clean and Sober

     It has been 14 days since I made the choice to be clean and sober . It was a decision that needed to be made. I have spent so many years saying "Yes" to everything and that it has been a complete change to now say "No" .  I have been going pretty hard for the last 15 years. Alcohol, Weed , and Cocaine have been a major factor in my life for all those years. Some more than others but they all play the same role. They allow me to think that I'm God and in control of any and every situation .

     But life is funny that way. I am but a mere grain of sand in this enormous world. Just a small piece of this creative intelligence we call earth. God has played a huge roll in this ability for me to change . Now this isn't the God that used to scare me in Catholic Class . This is  "God" as I know it. Something much bigger and more powerful than  I can ever imagine . I will let him guide me. I am no longer afraid of the road but

    Now I am not a sucker by any means. I understand that anything good is worth putting in work and time . Anyone can say they are going to stop drinking. But it is the time after that matters. Living a good life and trying to be sober is my goal. I am excited for the future and completing the goals that I set forth. I used to just talk about what I was going . It was a waste but just having a fighting chance now is something i truly cherish.

If you know someone that may want the help of A.A. please click on the link and check it out. They are all over the world and you can most likely and ready to help anyone whom wants to stop drinking .

Central California Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous 

Tomorrow it will have been 9 years

            On February 2nd 2011 it will be 9 years since my father, Joseph Marion Villa died. He lost the fight to a very rare and aggressive form of cancer called colorless melanoma. I was with him through the entire situation. I can remember the day , shortly after my sister and I had graduated college. She went the four year plan and I took the five year route. My father wanted to wait till we had enjoyed our completion of school before he told us the bad news. That effort on his part, to allow, his children to focus on themselves while he battled alone will forever be stuck in my head. The man always showed so much compassion for others that even though he knew that the cancer he had been stricken with was most likely fatal he kept it to himself for over two months before he told his children.

              Am I upset he waited so long? Maybe a little. Would I give anything to have him here today? Of course. Is this a realistic request or wish to want him back in my life? Probably not, but what true wish is ever realistic? I think about him everyday. Not one day sneaks by that doesn't remind me of something we did together.

A lot has changed since he was alive. I have grown into a man from a young adult and my life has been blessed with the many people whom are a part of it . I haven't found my calling but I have attempted to turn over the rocks of life to find it.  My sister has had the what would have been his first granddaughter, Tyler Trivers. She is to be married in the summer and he would have liked her fiance very much.  My brother has graduated college and trying to start a life on his own . My little brother reminds me so much of our father that we often tease each other when one of us is acting like "Dad". If Joe Villa is looking down on us I want him to know that we are all doing good. Life is a grind and filled with love, hardship, and hope. But he gave us enough knowledge of our surroundings that we are going to be just fine. And being "just fine" sits pretty well with me when I take a look at it all.