This one is for you Mike S

                      So I was approached by one of my best buds the other day as to why I have a blog and put all of this out there into the world.  It took me a second, actually a day as to why I do what I do. Part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs " I am more than what you see!"  What I mean by that is I have a million thoughts racing through my tiny brain all day. How I could be better, do more, do less, be a part of the problem, the solution, the idea or the destruction of one . So many characters I want to play and so little time to do it . I sure I could be diagnosed as having ADHD but what fun would that be?  Who wants to know the answers to yourself in medical terms?  First and foremost, I am a dad and a partner now. I do not move in a group of one and I can't think of just myself .
          Believe me every once in a I remember when I was a single guy living off the land and scrounging for something warm to eat and wondering if I had time to do the laundry or get one more wear out of something . But writing and talking about my feeling does bring me back to those times. I am free to write whatever I want and whatever I am thinking . That is just enough for me nowadays . And when I say talk about my feeling I don't mean "my dad died and I never got to be in a rock band". What I do mean is I am getting older and wiser, hopefully, and this is what I see and feel. Believe me, the world doesn't need another person crying about their problems to the masses.
      So I guess the only way to answer my friend on as to why I write what I write is it keeps me sane and in turn maybe the people around me. I am quick to pull the trigger with my words and every once in a while I find solace in writing them done instead of blabbing them to anyone that will listen. Writing this gives me a chance to reflect and allows someone else to check it out at there own pace . And on that note I am outta here. Until next time.......

Who am I?

Who Am I? This is seamlessly an impossible question for me to answer. I could tell you who I was. A student, a musician, a rugby player, a drunk, a jokester, a cheat, and a thief. I could tell you whom I would like to become. A father, a husband, a leader, an owner, a provider . But I have a really tough time telling you who I am now. I think I am mixture of all. I know where I want to go but I can't seem to shake the persona of what I was. Does everyone have this issue or am I the only one ?  It's fun to  think about the past and it's intriguing to predict the future but it's kind of scary living in the present. The present appears to be so unpredictable and ever changing . I feel like I get my heartbroken a few times a week. I am slowly moving from what everyone else is doing to just worrying about myself and my immediate circle . That is a tough transisiton. I amost feel like I am trying to not care so much anymore. But in reality I am caring more about stuff that is important to me .

Tomorrow it will have been 9 years

            On February 2nd 2011 it will be 9 years since my father, Joseph Marion Villa died. He lost the fight to a very rare and aggressive form of cancer called colorless melanoma. I was with him through the entire situation. I can remember the day , shortly after my sister and I had graduated college. She went the four year plan and I took the five year route. My father wanted to wait till we had enjoyed our completion of school before he told us the bad news. That effort on his part, to allow, his children to focus on themselves while he battled alone will forever be stuck in my head. The man always showed so much compassion for others that even though he knew that the cancer he had been stricken with was most likely fatal he kept it to himself for over two months before he told his children.

              Am I upset he waited so long? Maybe a little. Would I give anything to have him here today? Of course. Is this a realistic request or wish to want him back in my life? Probably not, but what true wish is ever realistic? I think about him everyday. Not one day sneaks by that doesn't remind me of something we did together.

A lot has changed since he was alive. I have grown into a man from a young adult and my life has been blessed with the many people whom are a part of it . I haven't found my calling but I have attempted to turn over the rocks of life to find it.  My sister has had the what would have been his first granddaughter, Tyler Trivers. She is to be married in the summer and he would have liked her fiance very much.  My brother has graduated college and trying to start a life on his own . My little brother reminds me so much of our father that we often tease each other when one of us is acting like "Dad". If Joe Villa is looking down on us I want him to know that we are all doing good. Life is a grind and filled with love, hardship, and hope. But he gave us enough knowledge of our surroundings that we are going to be just fine. And being "just fine" sits pretty well with me when I take a look at it all.